Things to do when you aren't sleeping, by Ryan

Here is a recently compiled list of things my son has done while having his bedroom door left open at night. Most kids come in and wake their parents, but not mine. He gets completely silent and moves in stealth mode. I'm not a heavy sleeper by any means and yet I don't hear a thing.

• Went through my "memory box" pulling out every letter and picture, including ones of my ex still in a frame, which my husband found, and was OH so thrilled to see. Maybe it's time to get rid of the box.
• Went through my art supplies including markers, paints, pencils, chalks, and scissors. They were 4 feet off the ground in a locked box, so I thought they would be safe. Uh, no.
• Our tax returns for the past several years, cut with scissors, into confetti. Who needs those anyway?
• My mom gave me a collection of things from my great grandmother when I got married. I don't think I'll be passing those on.
• I made a photo album of all the pictures from Ryan that friend's and family gave us, aka. not stored on my computer or replaceable. He decided it would be fun to taste them. Don't ask me why, he won't tell.
• We had cans of paint left out to finish painting the hallway (which, yeah we started 2 years ago. What's your point?) that thankfully were only turned into drums.
  
• Surfed the internet. Let's hope he avoided porn. We'll be installing the net nanny software soon.
• Used bathtub cleaner to take a bath in. Thankfully it was organic and safe for him, but he didn't smell so good. That shampoo is looking better and better (to clean the shower, see Zen post from last month).
  
• and his piece de la resistance? While I napped today, with my door open, he went into the bathroom and painted every surface with my makeup. Everything. I thought I was done cleaning until I had to use the bathroom, turned and realized the toilet seat, which he had kindly lowered for me, was covered in blush and eyeliner. I would have gotten pictures if I could calm myself enough to see the humor in it. That took several hours.

I'm sure he's not done, so I will update as he gets more creative. In the meantime, grant me the patience to cope with this. 'It's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase.' It's not helping.