My son is pregnant

This is what I came into my son's room to see today. Once I could stop laughing, I snapped some pics. He had shoved two of his blankets and his juice cup down there. He couldn't understand why mommy was laughing so hard (and having a coughing fit - why does he have to do funny shit when I am sick?).

Reflection on rehab

I came to Dallas to spend a week with a dear friend who had fallen on rough times. I saw it as a time to help her. What I did not expect was the healing that would happen in me.

Although the road to get here was bumpy, the trip was well worth the while. I can only hope I helped Joss as much as she helped me. It cemented a frendship I already knew was strong, but that other's doubted due to it's origins - meeting on MM. It also cemented another one, with Lisa, who, probably without even knowing it, opened a door for me to allow me to face some things I have been hiding from myself (and not the way you may think Lis, but in a much deeper way).

I can assure you all that Joss, although saddened about her current circumstances, is the rock we all know. She is my safe place, and a haven in the storms that rage in my head. I am not sure how my life would be without this week. I was in a downward spiral and wasn't even aware of the extent of it until now. She helped me figure out more in a week of just being in her presence than years of therapy have. She truly loves me exactly as I am. No fronts or pretenses necessary. There is no amount of gratitude I can pay her for being that person who just "gets me". She calls me on my BS, but loves me in ways I cannot love myself. She's the mirror I needed to get a good glimpse of what is in my heart. It's a friendship that defies explination, so I won't even try.

What this trip did most however, is make me reflect on my role as a parent, to confront my shortcomings, but to realize I may be doing a damn good job raising this little guy. I have gotten quality time in and found that, as a unit, we have flourished. I can look in my son's eyes with as much adoration and awe as I did the day he was born. I can realize that in many ways he saved my life. He gave me life as much as I gave it to him. I have sat with him, staring into his eyes, and am just filled with a complete-ness that I have never found in anyone else. He makes the world make sense. All I needed to do all this time was to just really look.

This week has left me feeling like life will be okay. I can live it, not just exist in it. I can make it be all I want it be, and that can be anything. My possibilities are limitless and I am not alone on the path through it. I have more love in my life, and now feel deserving of it, than I ever dreamed possible. Sometimes it takes an intervention to learn this.

50 Hours!!!

So, for those that don't know, I, in 50 hours, will be in Dallas with our dear and loving friend, Joss. I am so excited, I cannot use words well enough to describe it - she's the writer, not me. To finally meet my best friend will be an experience beyond words any way, and I can only assume one filled with tears for both of us (and not just because I am bringing Ryan and he'll drive me nuts).

I am overwhelemd by the amount of things I have to do before I go, and by the prospect of traveling alone with a not quite 3-year-old for 7 hours. It is daunting at best. But....when I get there, let the Freedom Celebration begin!

Now, if only Noodles would get her damn furniture delivered so she could join us, all would be right in my world...