I've never hated anyone before. I do now.

My two younger sisters are, for many reasons, like my own children. I'm even finding it hard to write this as I want to cry, not type. I need to in order to save my own sanity.

My sister Kerrie is 23. She has two children, Zachary, 3 and Noah, 5 months. After Zachary was born and against my better judgment, she married Josh. She married a boy. This boy has never grown up. When he doesn't get his way, he throws tantrums. While throwing these tantrums, my sister gets hurt. She's not telling anyone all of the truth, but I don't doubt that these same tantrums have hurt others too. Including my two nephews. I know they've hurt the rest of the family to hear about. The powerlessness involved with helping someone who doesn't want to be helped is crushing.

Kerrie won't admit to him ever hitting or hurting the kids, but he did everything to her in front of them. Zach already has some trauma based behaviors, such as head banging, being overly aggressive with peers, and having times where he's basically inconsolable. He has also been coached by Josh that Kerrie doesn't love him, that she doesn't want him, that only daddy will love him and care for him, etc. Same thing I am sure he was telling Kerrie about us while he was beating her. Kerrie, for future reference, I will always love you. Always.

I've known or suspected something for a long time, well before they were even married. I tried to reach her then, but she's stubborn and a tad immature and didn't want to hear it. I'm still there for her, but I also don't want to let the drama come into my household. It may sound mean, but I have my own child's naivety to protect. Ryan had to come to court with us on Tuesday because Mark couldn't get out of work. I had to make it a game for him so he didn't ask too many questions. Explaining that uncle Josh is a "bad guy" was tough too because he likes him. Josh is just a big idiotic kid himself. And then explaining why he couldn't beat uncle Josh up since he's a "bad guy" and put him into jail was the same question I had. Why does my child have to know these things even exist?

Here's the facts I know about:

• He spent 9 months in jail for theft and drug possession. Sadly he was a minor or he may have served more. As it was, he got extra time for "bad behavior". Have you ever heard of anyone getting MORE time? Yeah, me neither.
• He drinks and smokes pot pretty much daily. In front of his kids. My three year old nephew knows what a bong is? WTF?
• He decided while my sister was pregnant with their second child (yeah, condoms weren't used) that he wanted to have an affair with someone equally juvenile. Fine. No problem. But he brought this chica up to see my sister after she had given birth. In the hospital.
• He left Kerrie when my nephew Noah was two weeks old saying he wanted this other stupid chica (her stupidity was my happiness though). He also told her she could have the house or the car, not both. He made sure everything was in his name so she'd have no recourse. Real generous asshole. At that time he let my sister manage and handle everything to do with the kids, taking them only once a week or so for visitation with his girlfriend.
• My family was having Easter dinner at my house a few weeks. My sister texted me to ask of it was ok for her to bring Josh as he refused to let her bring the kids to my house without him as he was afraid I'd turn her against him. This was after several months of their being separated. News flash idiot: I've never liked you. I agreed because my nephews and sister mean more to me than he ever will.

Here's the kicker and what made me lose my mind, just a little. This past Sunday was my nephews birthday party. My family, having had enough of Josh and his asinine behavior, decided not to go. Mark and I did because we wanted my sister to know we'd always be there for her and her kids. We weren't there 10 minutes before he started arguing with her. Telling her she was the one wrecking their family because she wouldn't take him back. She was upset and wanted to leave. It was her, Mark and I up against 14 members of his white trash family. Wouldn't you want to? Especially since it was Josh's pre-arranged day for custody. Every time she tried to leave, he'd stop her. He dragged her back again and again. Mark and I quickly had enough and decided to leave. I told Kerrie I love her and we left. I had held Noah the entire time I was there (about an hour). When we left, I had to purposefully notify his family where he was and to pay attention as they didn't even notice his presence. I did not want to leave them - and in hindsight shouldn't have - but I can only witness so much douchebaggery before I can't handle any more. I may forever regret the decision to drive away that day.

Fast forward a few hours. I get a frantic call from my sister Lissa saying Kerrie was being handcuffed and arrested. Kerrie? Are you kidding me? I later got the story. Kerrie tried to leave the bowling alley but he had let the air out of her tires. She got upset, grabbed his wrist and told him to help her. He refused. She was going to try to drive a few blocks to the gas station. When she tried to, he tried to again stop her and stepped in front of her MOVING car. In my opinion she should have gunned it, but instead she stopped. He was knocked over but suffered no injuries, or even bruises. She finally left and went back to her apartment.

A few hours later the cops come to her house, tell her she's being charged with menacing, and get this, endangering the welfare of a child. The kids were in his car. She allowed him to take them because it was his night for visitation. For some reason I can't comprehend she was trying to be nice. She was just happy to be away from him. She was carted to the local jail, fingerprinted, photographed and arraigned in front a local judge that night. She had to post her own bail.
Monday, he shows up at her apartment, while she is still in police custody and takes her car. The very car he "told" her she could have. Since it's in his name, she has no recourse to get it back until she goes to family court and gets a divorce proceeding started. It is community property since they are married, but possession counts for everything, including kids apparently.

Tuesday, she has to appear in the local town court for her official arraignment and to go over the order of protection HE asked for. They refused to add the kids, saying they did not believe Kerrie to be a danger to them, but did get it to cover Josh. She is to have absolutely no contact with him. Which means she can't contact him to even talk to her children. She still hasn't gotten to see them. She did get to meet her public defender and he was very nice and helpful. He wasn't even supposed to be there and was on his way out but could see that Kerrie needed help ASAP. I also know that the judge got this for exactly what it was, but since she's a criminal court judge, not family court, there was nothing she could really do. Kerrie was told to go first thing the next day to family court and to petition for custody and her own order of protection.

She goes home upset, only to find out the next day that he had already gone to family court, claiming she was crazy (HER?!?) and that the kids were in danger from her. He called CPS on her. He petitioned the court for full custody and requested she be mandated to get a psych evaluation. The court granted it all. They postponed family court until May 28th, a full month away, and ordered in the meantime she can only see her kids for 10 hours a week, all supervised by his bitchass batshit crazy mother.


That's where things currently stand. Kerrie is trying to pursue things legally as she has documented proof of his abusing her including police reports and pictures of all her most recent bruises from when he used her as his own personal punching bag. Sadly, it appears to be making no difference. Every second my nephews spend in his care my heart breaks a little more. These poor kids did not ask for any of this. Zach keeps asking for his mommy, wanting to know why she won't come be with him. She can't, he has an order of protection for himself which prevents her from even having phone contact with him.

My faith in our legal system is gone. My fear is overwhelming. I have no idea what else I can do. It's the most hopeless feeling ever. I'm hoping that Josh's child-like behavior will hold to his own kids. I never witnessed him being bad to them in any way, and sadly I have ethics which prevent me from calling CPS on him and making up things against him. I want to though. Anything to stop this madness. I also want to hurt him, something which goes against my general nature. I truly am a pacifist at heart. But, he's hurting my baby, and for that he will never be forgiven.