Why do they do that?

My husband called me from the hospital saying he was in a fight at work (he's a Sheriff's Deputy, so it's not as bizarre or random as you might think), that he was fine and that he'd tell me later what happened. I thought, 'okay, he's talking to me, so he must be okay.' Fast forward three hours. He calls me to tell me he's on his way home and that "it's worse than it looks." WTF!?! He also said he's out of work "for a while." He has to go in tomorrow and write and incident report and give a deposition (again, not out of the ordinary), but he might not be working for a while. Again, he won't tell me what happened. He's not home for ten minutes and I'm freaking out. I've always hated his job and fear for his safety, but this takes the cake. Damn him. Tell me everything or don't tell me anything at all!

Next day: After he came home and I saw his face, I do not agree that it was "nothing." He was seriously assualted, and he was lucky he wasn't hurt more than he was, or even killed. He got sucker punched in his right eye, and then the guy got him into a choke hold - apparently a good one as I overheard him telling his best friend about it this morning on the phone. He tends to leave out pertinent details for me. Another deputy eventually caught on and came to help, thank God. But it wasn't soon enough for my comfort. So, long story somewhat shortened, he's got a black eye, which he'll need to get x-ray'ed to make sure his eye socket isn't broken, in about a week (oh, and if he starts noticing clear liquid leaking out his nose he needs to get to the emergency room immediately as it may be leaking cerebral fluid - FUN!). He had x-rays on his foot to make sure bones in his foot weren't crushed (he's not sure how this part happened). He's covered in bruises, and his hands are a mess (from returning punches, without his gloves, to get the guy on the ground). He has to get his eyes checked out because he took a pretty good dose of ASR (police grade pepper spray) into his eyes. This morning, his left eye started blackening too, so when they do the x-ray of his eye socket, they'll likely have to also check his jaw and nose. Basically, he got really lucky.

I am still not completely recovered from the shock and was shaking a large part of last night and early this morning. I'm glad he's not going back to work for a while, because I don't think I could let him out the door. I am only nominally appeased by the fact that the guy was charged with Assault 2, a violent felony in NYS.

I have not really sorted this all out in my head yet, but since I only really cried when he walked in the door, I am sure the full impact hasn't hit me yet. I am normally a really big crier (hey, I deal with my emotions...). Every time I look at his face I am just filled with... I don't know really, dread, fear, anger, sadness. I can't even label anything else yet.