Christmas at Auntie Boobie's house

I've been on vacation this past week and I'm just not feeling all that motivated to write, so hope these pics and videos will suffice and explain A LOT about my Christmas. That and mass amounts of rum filled eggnog.

Magical Santa Shoes? Reindeer Hair? Santa left me beard hair? Wtf?!

The proud new owner of "HUNGRY HIPPOS" - yes, it must be screamed at full volume.

Grandma being entertained by Ry the Clone Trooper.

The table (duuuhhh).

Lissa, Amy and I - self portrait pros.

This is an iPod. There are many like it but this one is mine.

And so it begins...

I always knew a time would come when I would encounter a parent, teacher or fellow student of Ryan's that drove me insane. In a world of stupid people, it had to happen that I'd stumble upon them at some point. Right?!?

No, I don't call people stupid lightly preferring the more mildly phrased "uneducated." But in some cases, if the label fits... Today I went to pick up Ryan from preschool and another mom was there. I had seen her the last few weeks, but she looked so young (tops she was 20, and that's pushing it) I assumed she was the child's babysitter or sister. Perhaps my incorrect perception.

So, she showed up today with her trashy boyfriend/husband. I guess they could be married, I didn't check. They also have a younger child, about 1 1/2, who was in child watch. The guy goes in to pick up the kid, complaining that they had let him fall asleep. I heard one of the nicest ladies in childwatch tell him he only has two hours a day he can use. Apparently the kid had been there almost three hours. No wonder he fell asleep. The staff said they could not find the parent's anywhere in the building. That's because they weren't there. I saw them walk in the front door. You are not allowed to leave the building when you leave your child in childwatch. Pretty much stated everywhere. It's a gym, not a free babysitting service.

Then, I was second in line to go get Ryan. They only let one parent in at a time to make sure they can monitor who is picking up which child. It was my turn and "Bitch" walks right in front of me and shoves the door open. Completely ignoring me and my glare. I should mention I am sick as a dog and in a horrible mood to begin with, so she's lucky I didn't strangle and spit on her.

Then, they walked over to the Adventure Center while I was picking up Ryan. As we were walking by the door they came walking out, complaining that there were too many kids in there. It's reserved from 3-4pm for the kindergarten wrap kids. They discourage other people from coming in. The sign is on the damn door. Then, the "Bitch" trips as she comes out the door, falling almost onto her face, which would have illicited giggles from me had she not fallen on her poor son. The kid looked shell shocked as she began yelling, obscenities, at said trashy boyfriend in a hallway filled with kids under the age of 6. She didn't even inquire as to whether the kid was ok. Nice.

So, this is the beginning of my life of keeping my mouth shut and setting a good example for my son, regardless of how bad other's act. But if I see her again without kids around? She's going down.

Ryan's latest kiddisms

1. I knew I had a boy when... "Mommy, my pee pee is going up. It was down here and now it's up here."

2. Knock, knock jokes don't have to make sense to be funny.
Ryan: "Ask me mommy"
Me: "Who's there?"
Ryan: "Orange"
Me: "Orange who?"
Ryan: "I can't tell you. It's a secret."
Repeat with every fruit he can think of. I must have gotten a fruit basket for Christmas.

3. "Birds squawk when they burp."

4. "Can I marry you mommy?" And... he made me a ring. Awwweee. (I said yes.)

Christmas meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper until I run out of patience, then bags.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Tough choice, we've been doing real, but thinking of getting an artificial one after Christmas this year.

3. When do you put up the tree? As soon as Mark has a weekend day off. We put it up Saturday.

4. When do you take the tree down? Jan 1. I'm usually wanting my room back by then.

5. Do you like eggnog? Not something I can drink all the time, but love it mixed with extra milk and some rum.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? A cabbage patch doll. My aunt fought of people to get it for my from Macy's in NYC. I still have her.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Mark - he buys everything as soon as he wants it. He's completely impulsive, which means I can never get him anything he wants.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Ryan, he wanted the entire toy catalog.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? nope, and won't

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. They've already gone out.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A computer bag, about 7 years before I got a laptop. Nice thought Mark. And... Mark always tells his mom I'd just LOVE whatever new thing it is she's bought, and even though he's lying for shit, she always get's me one. Love the puffy sweatshirts!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? 'Love Actually' and 'The Santa Clause'

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? October. As long as I'm done by Thanksgiving.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yes, but only when that was the point. I feel too guilty and just give stuff I don't like away.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My sister's cherry pie.

16. Lights on the tree? Big and tiny white lights

17. Favorite Christmas song? Do not laugh! "All I want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey. I hate her in general but this song always makes me happy. Otherwise I can't stand Christmas music. Ever heard 'Christmas shoes'? God I hate that intentionally-made-to-make-you-cry song.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home. Everyone comes to us and I make a huge dinner.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Shocking myself, yes I can.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Snowflake

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? Now, morning. Santa doesn't let you open them before then.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Christmas music and the overwhelming, massive amounts of people everywhere.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I like monochromatic, but my tree is red and gold this year.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I cook it, so... whatever I decide to put on the menu.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A new bathroom.

Bah Humbug

I am not a very Christmas-y person. I don't really have any strong religious beliefs that would make me HAVE to be into it. I know my son enjoys it, so for the last couple years I've tried, but ultimately, I am a scrooge. For me, this time of year is more stressful than enjoyable. My need to be perfect comes out full force and I struggle to be sane when there is so much that needs to be done. I can't rest until everything is just so. I drive myself batty.

Today did not help. Mark runs races all the time. Normally he does his thing and I stay home with Ryan. But today? Nope. Was not allowed. Santa was going to be there so I was forced by Ryan and Mark, and some whining from both parties, to go. We were up by 7, out the door before 8, and there before 8:30. All without coffee. It was also freezing. So cold that your eyes tear up. Then, your tears freeze. Then, you can't blink and you vision gets all blurry. Your skin is burnt from contact with the cold. It was that cold. Not only that, but everyone wears jingle bells, so that was all you could hear. And did I mention skinny, fit people who wake at the butt crack of dawn annoy the ever loving shit out of me? I mean, that's great for them, but do you have to be so damn cheery about it? (Sadly, on a side note, runner's are some of the nicest, most considerate people I've ever met. Damn them!)

We came home to shower and get dressed, then headed out again. To the mall. To see Santa. Have you ever seen those movies where the crazy person runs around in tattered clothes, screaming and babbling incoherently and generally looking insane? Yeah, well, that's me in a mall right before Christmas. I finish my shopping at least a month before Thanksgiving in order to avoid the chaos. I don't enjoy needing valium to venture out of my house, nor do I enjoy the pushing and shoving and lines nor the overwhelming (albeit beautiful) lights and Christmas music every where you go. For some people this is fun. For me this is hell.

We get to the mall and were going to eat first, but the restaurant that we would typically take Ryan to had a mile long line. We change plans and go some where else. Momma grabs a drink. Then we go to visit Santa. Ryan actually waited patiently, staring in amazement at the fountains and lights, even after Santa vamoosed to use the potty.

We get up to Santa and, unlike previous years where he screamed, cried, or refused to let go of me, he did very well. He and Santa happily chatted and Ryan told him that he wants "Hungry Hippos" (which Santa is all over - as she bought it months ago. I'm not looking forward to the day when his requests aren't so simple). Despite Ryan's seeming comfort with Santa this year, the hilarious photo Santa's elves took tells a different story... one of a ragamuffin who is leery of a shady Santa. I don't know how to scan photos, but I did get one with our camera that actually turned out better.
Yay, one more rite of Christmas passage over.

Then on to get a tree. I found a great one (aka, it will fit and it's close to the door) right off the bat. We loaded it up and were on our way in less than ten minutes. This makes momma very happy.

We are home, the tree is up but not yet decorated and I am ready for a nap. Sadly, I won't be getting one. At least I am back in the relative safety of my own home, where hopefully no carolers or magical reindeer will appear. After a brief respite I'm going to attempt to begin the hours long oddessy of decorating the "perfect" tree. Only 19 more days to get through right?